New Enemy:

My Sky HD box has broken so I contacted Sky. Due to an administration error on their part, they have failed to change my wife's surname on the account. This is despite my wife writing to tell them that the surname needed changing. Sky are unwilling to actually attempt to rectify the situation because they say my wife is not who she claims to be.

This one will be fun................

Work....

I'm fucking through with working for 'the man'

Bosses? Fuck the lot of you! You're all a bunch of bastards.....

.......fucking life......falling apart around me..........again.....................sigh..........

Christ-a-bloody-mighty!

It turns out I'm not firing blanks after all!

I'm gonna be a dad.

This will either mellow me out, or be akin to filling a deep fat fryer with petrol and lighting it with lava.

Greedy Fuckers:

Nintendo, Please can I have a Wii console?

I'm fully prepared to pay £20 more than the price it originally launched for THREE years ago.

Stolen from here

I think I'll get an Xbox 360 Arcade pack instead. Microsoft would never put the price of their FOUR YEAR OLD console up by £30 whilst simultaneously removing a DVD disc crammed full of Xbox live arcade games, would they?

YOU GREEDY FUCKING SHITS!

They've got our number:

'Research by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has found gamers were more unhealthy, fat and unhappy compared those who didn't play games. The research carried out by interviewing 500 adults between 19 and 90 in the Seattle area found that 45 percent of those polled played videogames. Results were based on respondents own perception of their happiness and health. Unsurprisingly the female gamers felt they were unhappier and unhealthier, while the males were on the whole really fatter'

They're on to us!

Thieved from here

I've finally found it:

After several years of searching, I've come up trumps with this SPECTACULAR BRASS CRAB

Can't carry on......too excited........must bid.........

Fuck that!

Look what else I've found:

A rusty sheriff's badge

Who says late nights, alcohol and Ebay don't mix?

Stupid Fucking American Retards:

Can you remember the 'Hold your wee for a Wii' contest?

Well I can. It was a stupid competition held by a stupid American radio station.

Some stupid fat woman attempted to win the Wii and died.

Now, everyone else who took part in the competition have decided to cash in.

Let's take a look at their cases:

One woman who took part says the 'Hold Your Wee for a Wii' contest left her with a fear of water, and that she can no longer listen to the radio.

Another contestant says she has gained 60 pounds and suffers from irrational mood swings.

A third worries about her own mortality, 'like I am destined to die young, maybe at my own hand.'

Fallout from the January 2007 contest that left one contestant dead sparked media coverage worldwide - notoriety that's likely to resume Aug. 31, when a civil trial is set to begin.The trial centers on the death of a 28-year-old mother of three, Jennifer Strange, who died after drinking massive amounts of water during a contest on Sacramento radio station The End (KDND) to win a Nintendo Wii game console.

Half-inched from here

It's things like this that make me sympathize with Al-Qaeda.

Possible future competitions:

Have a wank for the WANKEST console of all time!

Have a shit, then eat it, then vomit it back up and eat it again. This will be more fun than playing on a fucking Wii.

Act like a MASSIVE TWAT in a crowded place. This will be good practice, as playing any Wii game will make you look like a Colossal knob.

Special shitting K:

This is why women earn less than men!

Beat temptations wit..
Watch the ad...

Get some fucking work done you lazy cow!

And while you're at it, sort your massive square face out!

Paedophile Heaven DS:

It would be wrong and immoral of me to make any comments. I won't do it and you can't make me.

Quick baby tip for you: When running it a bath, make sure the water is piping hot. Fill it near to the top and place the baby gently in. Leave it for about half an hour unattended and upon your return it'll be sparkling clean. And asleep.

BIG BOLLOCKSY BANG THEORY THING:

We are an exciteable bunch of cunts.

We are presenters of a fucking kids show that's been inappropriately scheduled at at a time

when ADULTS should be able to watch ADULT programmes.

We cost each license payer about a fiver a week.

We allowed Dallas from the fucking Gadget show to be on telly again!

Their website invites you to Ask Yan a question so I did.

How embarrasing. A duplicate word in the very sentence that describes them as experts. I bet that fucking Dallas is to blame!

NEW LOOK!

It's fresh, yet familiar, basic, yet eye-catching.

I probably won't even bother updating anymore as nobody reads it anyway.

GAME NEWS!

Just in case you were wondering, the DS is still a bag of old bollocks.

It's not even worth pirating wank like this!

It's only a matter of time before we see Kerplunk DS on the shop shelves at this rate.

RESULT!

Got a refund. That'll teach the pikey bastards to mess with me.

Live Comet Chat

You can chat to the EXPERTS at Comet right now via their website

I wouldn't bother though.

They're fucking useless!

Comet Channel

This is a brilliant find and has literally given me weeks of potential material!

This is a direct quote from Comet's Youtube channel:

'Everyone needs a little advice every now and again - and we want you to be as expert as we are in electricals, which is why weve created the Comet channel. We're here to make sure you get the right product everytime'

English lesson: You've missed an apostrophe off one of the words. Also, 'every' and 'time' are TWO seperate words, not one. You stupid twats!

Here's what Comet's quote should have said:

Everyone needs a little advice from time to time. When that time arises, please don't ask us because we haven't got a fucking clue about anything. We're still trying to figure out where are arses are in relation to our elbows. If you do end up buying anything from us, don't expect to get a refund on it if it breaks. We operate CRIMINALLY!

They've even been stupid enough to allow comments. let's all take advantage of this.

I've already started the ball rolling

Shitting Comet!

I will NEVER got bored of doing things like this!

I might have to start scraping the barrel even more, but rest assured, it WILL continue!

Fucking Comet AGAIN!

Good news:

See here

Still, you've got £1400 off me so it's not all bad news eh?

Look what I found:

Someone who isn't me did this

Please get in touch.

We could be BEST FRIENDS

Comet Watch:

This is Thierry Falque Pierrotin.

He's the head of Kesa Electronics.

Kesa Electronics is the parent company of Comet.

Thierry Falque Pierrotin has a stupid name.

Thierry Falque Pierrotin doesn't even buy stuff from Comet, Instead opting to purchase his goods from rival company Currys.

This is despite the fact that Thierry Falque Pierrotin probably gets at least a 10% staff discount from Comet.

That's how shit Comet is.

You know everything bad that's ever happened to you in your life?

All Comet's fault. And they're happy about it.

Infact, imagine something bad that's happened to you right now, and then look at the smug face of Thierry Falque Pierrotin in the above picture.

That's the face he pulled when he 'did your mum'.