An email I found

I'm bored, so I decided to check my hotmail email account.

It's a bloody good job too as this little beauty was sat there waiting for me:

AN URGENT REPLY AND CALL NEEDED
THIS IS MY MOBILE NUMBER FOR URGENT CALLS

+226 78414827.

Good Day, Please Read very carefully. My name is MR MUSA OMARU; I’m the credit officer in BOA Bank of Africa Ouagadougou Burkina Faso. I have a business proposal in the tune of $4.5m, (four Million Five hundred Thousand Dollars only) after the successful transfer; we shall share in ratio of 40% for you and 60% for me. I want to front you in the bank so that you can apply for the claim of fund as the next of kin to our late customer Mr. Andreas Schranner who died years ago with his entire family while on holidays and several attempt has being made to locate his family without success.

I got your mail address through the international network (comtuerised datas) business media directorate when I was looking for a sure contact of someone who can assist me conclude up this transaction. I have chosen to contact you believing my faith you shall not betray or disappoint me when this fund valued USD$4.5million American dollars gets transfer into your nominated bank account.

You should understand that as an insider in the bank I will do every thing possible to protect your interest and to make sure that I follow things up as soon as you are willing to work this out with me because I will not want this money to go into the government purse. Should you be interested, please contact me so we can commence on all arrangements and I Will give you more information on how we would handle this project. Please treat this business with utmost confidentiality and send me the Following information: with this Email

(1) Full names:....................................................
(2) Private phone number:.....................................
(3) Current residential address:.....................................
(4) Occupation:................................................
(5) Age and Sex:.........................................

Kind Regards,

MR MUSA OMARU: +226 78414827

My favourite part is highlighted in yellow

Randomness is good

If you tried to IMAGINE every conceivable thing in the world, you would NEVER imagine this!

EVER!

But what is it?

A ninja weasel?

A dishwasher liquitab that also teaches your kids to speak Spanish?

Seven onions, one of which isn't actually an onion at all, but looks a bit like one so you mistakenly thought it was?

No. It's this:

A fucking dog!

Up a stick!

FUCKING WIKIPEDIA

There I was, attempting to alter the information relating to Kesa Electricals (The parent group of Comet) to something bordering on the illegal and/or offensive but I can't because my IP is banned due to previous tomfoolery. Tomfoolery that I can't even remember comitting!

Although, to be fair, I've indulged in all manner of hijinks so it's probably justified.

They're still a bunch of fuckers though!

They're nearly as bad as Comet and they're worse than that bloke that killed Jesus!

If anyone isn't banned and wants to make wild accusations about Kesa Electricals then feel free to do so.

FUCKING COMET

I'm THAT mad that I can't even be bothered to photoshop in a correct-looking font for the Comet logo!

See here

If Mr. Trebus from BBC one's hit documentary about lives being lived in/and/or about grime was alive right now, he'd probably tell Comet to stick it up their chuffer!

Oh, hang on, he IS alive:

Not only is he alive, he's being even more offensive than I am about Comet. I'm glad nobody reads this blog so I won't get found out.........Talktalk anyone?

So, in conclusion, Comet = MASSIVE WANKNESS!!!

Shall I attempt a comeback?

Comebacks are all the rage these days.
Everyone's doing them. Even shit people like the band Kajagoogoo

Shall I try it?

It's bound to end in tears. For someone.

Here's a picture of Limahl, because nobody ever reads words unless there's an acompanying picture to go with them. People can be right lazy cunts sometimes.

Here you go then, you idle bastards:



Interesting pop facts:
Limahl's name is an anagram of his surname 'Hamill'.
He likes cream horns, fighter planes and children, BUT NOT LIKE THAT!
He's quite insecure about his physique and carries 'special jars' around with him. He jumps out and opens the aforementioned 'special jars' in front of people to prove to them that he's not a weakling. He is though. That's why he uses 'special jars' instead of proper ones.

Also, he's called Chris.

Stop

Stop fucking visiting!

The site's clearly dead.

Nothing to see here.

No more updates.

And yes, I do understand the irony of this update.

Hot news!

Everyone seems to hate a fellow that goes by the name of The Swill Man who has recently started to post content over at UK Resistance

I also think he's a bit of a MASSIVE-FUCK-COCK too.

Things are about to go from bad to worse though. Very soon, a moany, whiny, arse-hole who goes by the name of phlob-end-tit will be writing stuff on there.

He'll almost certainly be hated by all, but at least he'll probably end up being 4% better than that fat Yank.

And maybe, just maybe, Mentski and Favus will stop their war over at Mentski.co.uk now that I'm aboard the good ship UK:R?

Also, I'll probably never update this blog again. It was shit anyway and never had the edge that SFC had.

New blog

Look at this

Oh Mark. For shame.

How dare you attempt a serious blog?

Did you think I wouldn't find out?

Is this why you haven't been posting anything on here?

You've betrayed us all with your cheating ways.

EDIT: MarioMark has deleted my comments that I left on there. They were mint too. Admittedly, most if not all were about Willy Wonka but that's beside the point.
Just because the blog is on a Nazi site doesn't mean you have to be a Nazi too.

An Email I Just Got From Phorenzik:

"YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://tinyurl.com/2rwcth"

Sorry, everyone else needs to know.

Job news

You know when you go for a job interview and you're a bit nervous so you make a paedophile joke to break the ice with, but it doesn't go down very well with the interviewer, so you spend the next 5 minutes sitting in silence until they tell you they'll call you if you've been successful?

Well, that didn't happen to me this time.

I've just been for an interview this morning and it seemed to go quite well. I didn't even accidentally swear during the interview process or anything.

On top of that, it seemed like a really nice place to work for too.

I'll know if I've got it later on today.

Edit: I got it. I start Monday. I'll probably update the blog a lot less now as I won't have as much spare time.

Fish

Remember Sega Bass fishing on the Dreamcast?
It looked like this:



And this:



And this:



Whilst not being the best looking Dreamcast game, it was fairly pretty and it still looks quite nice today. It sold 6 copies worldwide!


Here's the Wii version that comes a whole 9 years after the original:



Doesn't it look LOADS BETTER? It'll end up selling millions of copies.

yikes! Again!

Looks like the upsidedown devil has been visiting.

Prepare yourselves

This will be upon us soon. Get ready for a whole new demographic of casual twats to impose on OUR hobby.

The FCFTG (Fat Casual First Time Gamers)

Things have been going downhill since the Sega Saturn days. Here’s my explanation of why:

Once upon a time, Sega released the Saturn. It was fucking ace but nobody in this country bought it because the 32X and Mega CD that came before it were overpriced barrels of wank.

It all started to go tits up when Sony got shafted by Nintendo and ended up giving us the original Playstation console. The Casual Gamer was born. This newly created breed of super twat managed to convince the masses into ignoring good games and instead, turning their interest’s towards shite like Fifa, Tony Hawk's Pro Skater and/or WWE wrestling games.

Sega released the Dreamcast. It was the best thing ever. It had Shenmue on it for fuck's sake! Not to mention shit-loads of mint Capcom beat-em-ups too. It even had loads of wank casual games like Tony Hawk's Pro Skater on it. Still, nobody bought it. Instead, they all decided to hold off and buy an inferior machine that cost twice as much. Sega died. This was the beginning of the end.

Sony released the Playstation 2. Everyone bought one. It’s got some right old wank on it. It’s also got some good stuff on it too, but none of that sells. The casual gamers grew in intensity. It was only a matter of time before there would be more of them than us.

Shortly after PS2, Microsoft decided to attempt the monopolisation of yet another market, by giving us the Xbox. The smelly PC gamers soon jumped aboard. Gaming changed forever. Everything suddenly seemed to contain men with guns shooting other men that had guns. The Yanks fucking loved it. Instead of encouraging creativity and driving the industry forward, developers just ported the same old PS2 shit onto this. The lazy fuckers.

After Microsoft realised they couldn’t beat Sony, they prematurely killed off the original Xbox and released the Xbox 1.5 or Xbox 360 as it’s sometimes known. Luckily for Microsoft, most Xbox fans were stupid Americans and they didn’t even realise that they’d been shafted and conned into buying a console that wasn’t future-proof and that was entirely made up of old technology. The Xbox 360, on top of being the most un-reliable electronic device ever built, has given us absolutely nothing new. It's just more of the same, albeit in a slightly higher resolution.

Sony decided to rest on its laurels a bit and they launched the Playstation 3. They made a right fuck-up of it too. They were lucky that Toshiba couldn’t be arsed to pursue HD-DVD anymore and that their user base is made up of people who are less intelligent than Youtube commenters. They had a very slow start, but will ultimately end up winning the next-gen race.

All hope rested with Nintendo. They were there at the beginning. They were the veterans. They were our saviours. They had a console called The Revolution. They got everyone excited about it. Then, they suddenly changed the name of the console to ‘Wii’. They followed this up by deciding to abandon their loyal supporters. They launched the Wii. Everyone bought it. Even your fucking grandma has one! They’ve ruined gaming. The only thing they’ve done is make the Xbox 360 and Ps3 look better in comparison. The Wii was bad enough, but Wii Fit?

Cheers Nintendo.

Thick fuckers

Whilst researching the TV programme 'You've Been Framed' I came across the following comment on IMDB by some thick cunt called rosiesgingersunshine:

i would often record the episodes but i've recorded over them now this should of ended after Lisa Riley stopped doing it Jeremy Beadle was great then the show become less good when he stopped the spark has gone it's not that funny anymore so this show will end there were a few good funny clips but not many a lot of them were planned and some got repeated i liked the one where a man spun around so many times he got dizzy and fell onto the barbecue that were cooking and when a girl kicked a ball and there was a big funny noise the one which was dangerous but exciting was there was a bike ride and a small child was on a bike under the person on a bike which was a really stupid thing to do i've stopped watching you've been framed now i miss the harry hill show though

The above mess is possibly the worst attempt at grammar I have ever seen in my entire life. Let's all ridicule the stupid twat in the comments section.

Even better, lets track them down and start a fight with them.

Brilliant Wii games that'll help the games industry be less wank

The great games for Wii keep on coming. There's at least one top game a week released now!

Amongst them are some stunners. Only a few weeks ago, this little gem was released to the general public:

It's just like that DVD game you can buy for a fiver, except this one costs twenty quid and you can only play it on a console that cost you £179.99. Mint!

hot on the heels of Noel came this corker:

Why spend a fiver on the the book when you can spend £29.99 on a poorely realised point and click adventure game?

That's not all though. On the 4th April we've got this cracker to look forward to:

I was saying to the missus just the other day that I really hope someone somewhere makes a pool game for the Wii featuring students who think they look a bit edgy and fashionable. Needless to say, I've got my pre-order in already. And at only £24.99 it's a fucking bargain!

I love the Wii. I think it will save the games industry. It's got loads of stunning software for it already, not to mention all of the top quality, extremely creative and original games that companies we've never even heard of before are making for it.

Here are some of my favourite Wii games:

It's such a great game that I don't even get annoyed about the incorrect grammar for the game's title. It's 'My horse and I' you fucking twats. There's no fucking wonder kids are thick as fuck these days!

At least I can calm down by playing this:

Look! it's Ariel on the far right, Cinderalla in the middle, Snow White on the far left, and that half-cast one out of Aladdin. I bet this game supports full 16:9 widescreen mode, progressive scan and Dolby Pro Logic 2 sound all at a consistent 60 frames per second.

When I have kids round, I often put this on:

I'm not sure what the best thing about this game is. It's either the cover, or the fact that it costs £19.99.

If the kids haven't already left, or are not drunk enough, I let them play on this:

It looks like she's pinched the feathers off a peacock and shoved them up her arse. The peacock doesn't seem to care though. Also, £29.99 is what this fucker retails for.

So, there you have it. The Wii is great and so are all of the games available for it. Also, this is the first post that I've done on SFE that took me more than 5 minutes. Research and effort were actually put in for once. At this rate it might not end up being completely wank when compared against SFC.

A Game Review

Like all game reviews, it's fake, because the reviewer gets paid to do it and has a reputation to protect. Some even get paid from the game developers to make sure they lie about their game and say it's good when it's actually a barrel of wank.

Here at SFE we don't get paid so we can put what we like, meaning we can be honest.

Today I'll be reviewing PDC World Championship Darts 2008 for the Nintendo "new customers only" Wii.



For those of you who can't be arsed to read the review, all you need to know is it's fucking shit.

Let's get started...

It's fucking shit! Little Britain The Video Game is better than this! The controls are a mess! It's harder than real darts! No, it's harder than using one of those fake dart boards that have velcro on the end that I used back in the day when I was a good lad. You have to point the Wii-mote at the screen, hold A, kind of give it a swinging motion like you would with a real dart, followed by releasing the A button to throw it. The only problem is the fat bastard you choose at the start of the game doesn't even throw the fucker!

The graphics are shit too. It's the usual shit looking Wii game that looks like a first gen PS2 game.

Anyway, I can't be arsed to write anymore so watch this YouTube video if you want to (which makes it look a million times better than it actually is).


SFE Score: -10/10

Sorry

Sorry for the lack of updates. I'm still looking for a job. I'm getting more depressed every day. Money is running out and I need to find a job sharpish. You can appreciate that this blog comes second to the job hunting, and I don't really have any ideas or enthusiasm for updating much anyway. I'll keep it going, but updates may become rather sparse.

In the meantime, and for no apparent reason whatsoever, here's a picture of Bennett from the movie Commando:

Stupid Fucking Nintendo

Nintendo are fucking shit. I redeemed about 6 years worth of points on their VIP site at the beginning of December, yet none of the shite merchandise has arrived. They quote 4 weeks for delivery. I emailed them about this and got an automated response from them. It promised that I will definately get the stuff by the end of January.

Still not here. I've sent them two more emails about this and the fuckers have ignored me TWICE!

The merchandise was shit anyway, but that's not the point. Like I said above, I redeemed about 6 years worth of points.

6 years!!!

That's from the days when Nintendo were good!

I bet every first-time-Nintendo customer that registered Wii product points got their fucking merchandise delivered!

Here is my official statement on the matter:

Nintendo, I've supported you for years. I've given you thousands of pounds of my money. I even managed to get you a few grand more via the huge amount of new customers I turned towards you by constantly singing your praises in the indie I worked for. I've lost count of the amount of people who ended up going fo the Gamecube instead of an Xbox or PS2 after I'd advised them. I was probably responsible for a huge chunk of sales for Nintendo products in the Nottinghamshire area between 2001-2007.

What do I get in return?
Fuck all!
You can't be bothered to send me some wank promo tat that has taken me over half a decade to earn, nor can you even be bothered to attempt an email response.

You big bunch of bastards.

Sega were always better anyway!

Edit: The fucking stuff came today. About bastarding time too. It was even slower than waiting for one their PAL conversions.

Yikes

Joke time

I sometimes make jokes up. They're never any good though. I've just recently made another one up. Here it is:

Why did the old CRT television promise to give a better picture quality in the new year?

Because it was his new year's resolution!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha. It's nearly as good as MarioMark's legendary 'nightclub' joke that he made up when he was a kid. I'll let him be the one to tell you all about that one though.